Relationships · Self-discovery

There’s no switch for that.

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It doesn’t shock me anymore how lovers turn into strangers in a matter of minutes. Nor how friendship can become hostile.

 

I must admit though, at one point in life- it really baffled me. The switch in my brain wasn’t as efficient as it is now.

 

It was more of a process and ‘efficient’ is probably the wrong word to use considering its positive connotation.

 

Back then, I needed more willpower and manpower to turn the switch. Now, it’s like a click of a button. As reflexive as unlocking my phone.

 

Quite involuntary. Either I have too much power over it or it has completely overpowered me.

 

There’s no point in debating that, though. The main issue is out there and it’s as clear as a midsummer sky.

 

We have become disposable.

 

Even the memory of us can be easily thrown out. It takes a few arguments, sometimes a few words – the worst is when it just takes one look.

 

You know that the person you’ve been looking at for as long as you can remember is not the same anymore. You no longer see yourself in their eyes.

 

They’re looking at you, but they don’t see you. 

 

So yeah, correction of the first sentence: It doesn’t shock me anymore how lovers turn into strangers in a fraction of a second. 

 

There’s a tiny opening in the middle of our souls though, where the unexpected seeps through.

 

You can talk a big deal of how you’ve developed a handle over the sudden changes in life, but you see that little crack that you dismiss- it’s where the light shines through. 

 

So no, your lover-turned-stranger is not two people. They’re one and they have that same light which they struggle with as well.

 

The sharp instinctual feeling that you ignore when you hear their name or any news about them- be it good or bad, it’s your soul crying to override your controlled thoughts and actions.

 

It’s your soul trying to escape the cage you’e built around it.

 

See, it can’t win because it has become weaker than your weathered heart and your hurt feelings. But you control its freedom and that on its own is an immense responsibility.

 

They’re looking at you, but they don’t see you anymore. You’ve become disposable to them, and them to you.

 

You’ve become strangers.

 

As bodies. As minds. As hearts – yes.

 

As souls, however, they’ve touched you, altered you, and left some of their light in you.

 

There’s no switch for that. 

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