When we meet the nice guy, we immediately get hooked on their kindness. We don’t fall for them, we fall for the way they make us feel about ourselves.
They make us feel like we are always right. More dangerously, they give us the ability to argue ourselves out of anything with them even if we know we’re wrong.
They envelope us with niceness and we feed off that to continue boosting our self-esteem.
With the nice guys, it’s always easier to take the relationship for granted. They are the ones that we hurt unintentionally and feel guilty about for the longest time.
The nice guys don’t remain nice forever because someone like us hurts them and makes them realize that being the doormat doesn’t work for them.
They realize that they’re not going to change themselves because of us. They are going to keep being nice but not when they shouldn’t be.
We are their lesson and in return they happen to be the ones that teach us most about what we are looking for in someone.
They keep us where we are. More often than not, they make us give ourselves excuses for staying where we are as well. They are our safe haven.
They are our harbour.
But it never works out with them, because soon enough we realize that we don’t want our harbour to be a person. We want to be our own harbours and we want the person we are with to be our ocean of possibilities.
When it doesn’t work out with the nice guy, we immediately know the reasons. We don’t have to relive every moment with them until we understand what went wrong.
We know it was wrong from the very beginning.
We know that we were with them for our own selfish reasons and the hardest part about leaving the nice guy isn’t about us getting hurt, it’s about hurting them.
Because they did nothing wrong. They gave us everything we wanted and everything we asked for.
But that’s exactly what went wrong for us.
Leaving the nice guy makes us realize that the next person we want to be with is the person that doesn’t give us everything we want.
It’s the person that makes us realize that if there’s something we want, we have to earn it with compromise and understanding because a relationship can not be all take and no give.
The next person we want is the challenging one. Not the challenging to be with. But rather, the one who provides us with a personal challenge.
The one we want is the one who does everything to prevent us from staying where we are. But rather the one who removes us from our comfort zone as often as possible. The one who makes us grow.
The one we need is not a harbour. He’s a risk. He’s like sailing in open waters with internal excitement pushing us to embrace any and all unpredictabilities.