Self-discovery

First holiday without teta

Chasers of the Light by Tyler Knott Gregson

 

It’s been a year teta. The void you’ve left is not nearly filling up yet. In fact it feels deeper every time I think about you.

Would you believe me if I tell you not a day passes that I don’t think of you?

Not a night passes that I don’t pray to you?

Not a holiday passes where I don’t cry myself to sleep thinking about how different things would be if you were still around?

My 24th birthday passed this year and all I wanted was a happy birthday from you.

That was too far fetched. But I hope you felt my presence when I laid down some flowers for us to celebrate it together.

I wanted to tell you what I learned. I wanted you to be proud.

I talk to you several times every day. Do you listen like you used to?

I’ve made peace with your absence but my emotions when it comes to you are like a dormant volcano erupting more often than I’d like to admit.

I wear the earrings you gave me. I intentionally wear your gifts like decorations for a soul deeply saddened by your departure.

I hope I’m making you happy with my decisions and achievements.

You do exist teta. Whether or not you feel me is arguable.

But a person who sows so much love never truly dies.

You live through me. That’s not arguable.

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