I will not write for the world to see until I’m confident that I’m not doing it to impress others. The closest person to me once taught me that.
For the past couple of months life has taken me on journeys i have never thought possible, i experienced it all. The good, the bad, the tiring, and the relieving.
It all came at once, and i couldn’t help but feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes we feel like we write the most when we have a lot on our mind.
That wasn’t true.
I couldn’t get myself to put everything into words because i knew that if i were to do that then i wouldn’t be doing those experiences any justice.
Words are powerful and i have no doubt about it, but sometimes they fall short of what we’re trying to get across.
For once, i did myself the favor of not phrasing anything that i was going through. I was simply living.
I allowed myself to feel without making sense of it, without labeling it.
We don’t feel enough.
There’s always this barrier in our minds pulling us back from reaching anything extreme, because safe is good. Balance is good.
But balance has stripped us of passion.
We’re always trying so hard to stay in the middle, in the non-extreme zone. Understandable since we have forgotten what it’s like to live for the sake of living.
There’s no more grey zone for me, i live in ups and downs, in blacks and whites.
I will embrace the good till i fall back in the bad and embrace it as well because the bad isn’t there to scare me. It’s just there to remind me that i’m human.
And bad things happen for a reason as do good things.
Today, i don’t write for an audience.
I don’t write to impress.
I just write to acknowledge my own existence.
I am here, i am now and if i can’t put the past two months into words then i sure as hell won’t be able to put the next two months into words either.
But i don’t care about phrasing it. Forcing those experiences into sentences just limits them, it doesn’t free them.
If it doesn’t flow, it doesn’t flow and i will live them till the words make their way to find me.
Today, i’m writing just to write.