Boundless Entries

First things first- if this book had a soundtrack, it would be “the feels by Labrinth”. The immensity of unresolved feelings in this book was incomprehensible. To go on with life not knowing the second half of the story, but not just any story – your own life story and how it could have completely changed – that was something else. Reading through this made me realize why only few of us in this world are able to move on without having closure. It reaffirmed my tireless search for fitting endings. Especially for life events that have meant something to me. Is it also a coincidence that Labrinth’s album title for this song is “Ends and Begins”? I’ll stop trying to persuade readers now to adopt this as the soundtrack if they don’t wish to do so – but, at least consider my suggestion.

From the song lyrics: “I’m in my feels, way up in the clouds somewhere now Don’t know what’s real, real I’m lost, gone missin’, I don’t even know if I’m there now But I’m in my feels, feels” -specifically when Macy is lying on the ground knowing what she knows.
“Now you got me lost in emotion Now you got me intoxicated with your drug Bloodstream racin’, heartbeat pulsin’ The truth of it is I’m in love with you” – self explanatory and it’s simply the final realization.

For friends, lovers, friends turned to lovers who bond over reading, quotes, and words – this book is for you. The quiet moments of sharing a room simply to read is a more intimate scene than I could have ever imagined – and it was perfectly written. There’s something about being seventeen and not having these blurred lines of love and friendship. At that age, it’s always the fear of ruining a friendship that stops us from pursuing love. It’s only when we’re older that we start to look for friends in lovers. And it’s only when we’re older that we realize that the love we want is actually deeply rooted in friendship. Macy and Elliot make their way back to each other but even if they hadn’t – I believe the story would have still been captivating. Had they just caught up on everything that had happened and all the years they stepped out of each others’ lives yet moved on, it would still have been a relief to get some sort of closure. I do, however, prefer the happy ending though, of course. The possibility of this all consuming love makes a huge difference throughout the whole book. Also, I feel like Then and Now plots seem to be page turners because you unnoticeably want to quickly return to your preferred timeline and so you find yourself skimming through the pages much quicker than other books. It took me about three nights to finish this book – a record for me these days. What struck me most in the book is not just the love story, it’s the gentle yet intense depiction of losing someone you love. Macy’s description of what her mother’s absence feels like is truly mesmerizing. To be able to put into words the pain of those left behind on earth when the person you’ve always wished to share all your moments with – good and bad – is gone.

Favorite quotes:
“I never got to fall out of love. I just had to move on.”

“It never occurred to me that love could be anything other than all-consuming. Even as a child, I knew I never wanted anything less.”

“I think of her everywhere. She is everywhere, in every moment, and also she’s in no one moment. She misses every single one of my moments and I’m not sure who that is harder for: me surviving here without her, or her without me, existing wherever she is.”

“Relief and anguish pulse heavily in my blood. I’ve wanted to see him every day. But also, I never wanted to see him again.”

“When I lost her, it felt like I was drowning in all the love I still had that could never be given. It filled me up, choked me like a rag doused in kerosene, spilled out in tears and screams and in heavy, pulsing silence.”

“I had no idea who Real-Life Elliot was. My Elliot existed only on certain days, only in the confines of our library closet.”

“Dad knew I couldn’t possibly think of mom more. And he wouldn’t try to help me think of her less, either. It wouldn’t help. Just like holding your breath doesn’t change your body’s need for oxygen.”

“His kiss is an aching prayer; devotion pours from him.”

“We were always too busy memorizing each other.”

“In a sea of people connecting to the world via the isolation of their smartphones, Elliot is reading a book.”

And that’s a wrap.